Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."******"What did one ghost say to another?""Do you believe in people?"******My friend has a fine watch dog.At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark. ******They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.****** "Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"" Please wait someone else is using it."****** When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.****** "Where did you get those big eyes?""They came with the face."******I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .******But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not. ******It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!******"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks.""Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from." ****** "Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?""Yes if you're lucky."******A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth. ******"Has there been any insanity in your family?""Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."******I was thinking of becoming a doctor.I have the handwriting for it.******"My wife doesn't know what she wants."" You're lucky. My wife does."****** We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.****** "What do use for washing dishes?""Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "******"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?""What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"****** "Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?" "I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."